Naming the Whim

We’ve all had the experience of shopping with our three-year-old, and having them ask, demand, beg or rage to be given an item they’ve never seen before and won’t, with any luck, remember tomorrow. It can be exhausting and frustrating to explain time after time why we aren’t buying this one, and then again for the next one. In today’s overstimulated world our children often don’t know why they want something – they just want it and they want it now.

There are several different ways these whims can be addressed…

… You can choose an honest response. If you feel like your child is old enough to understand, you can let them know that they don’t need a new item (“You want this, but you don’t need it”) or that you can’t afford it right now. Being honest helps children gain perspective on the cost of items.

… You can offer up a compromise. Let your child know that that is a great option for a birthday gift or a holiday gift. Remind them that toys and trinkets aren’t purchased on a whim, but rather, they are usually reserved for special occasions. Then offer to take a photo of the item (or let them take it) and store it for future reference. They can feel validated in wanting an item, but understand that you are the one who decides when these spur-of-the-moment items are purchased.

… You can turn it into a real-life learning opportunity. The store becomes your classroom, and you the teacher. Tell her, “the store is designed to arouse your whims.” When she asks what you mean by “arouse your whims” you can demonstrate with yourself:

“Let’s walk down this aisle. All I need is a bottle of spaghetti sauce. But the store tries to arouse my whims right… here! See this brightly colored bottle? It makes me think ‘oh, this would be so fun if I had this for dinner’. I wasn’t even thinking about it a second ago and now I am all excited about it! The store wants me to think that I will be a better cook and mom if I buy this bottle! But I’m not susceptible!”

Your child will either get into the real-life experiment and ask you what other ways the store is trying to make us purchase items, or get bored and stop you. Either way, next time it comes up you can say, “You are feeling a whim, I believe”. Another option: before walking into the story, ask your child to put up a shield over your chest, “so I won’t be susceptible.” Be prepared to be asked to shield your child back!

What ways do you combat your child’s whims?